Look who's 5!!!

I can't even tell you guys how glad I am that she is here today. To think that when we found out about the pregnancy, we were scared. Elli was 6 months old, my size for dates were off, and the doctors were ordering tests like crazy. I couldn't peel myself out of the chair, I couldn't say to Dan, "I'm pregnant", I just couldn't move. It was tough finding out I was pregnant again. The likelyhood of a girl who needed therapy every day was frightening to me, the student mom of three who just started going back to school to leave the stay at home life. I was almost mortified. I hate to admit that some days, but I was. A couple of weeks went by and I slipped in my response (not hiding it under my breath enough) and Dan caught on. I still hadn't come to grips with it, and I needed to keep him calm? This was the first challenge in a line of many that we weren't sure we could handle. So as he absorbed it, It relived my shock and he started calming me down. I was a babbling, crying mess. He kept telling me, "we'll figure it all out". As the ultrasound day approached, I remember thinking, why are my dates off? were my calculations wrong? nope, calendar has it all tracked, did my temps double shift? perhaps, but what if they didn't? what was wrong?
So as I went through the motions, trying to shut my brain off, I learned that I was infact 3 weeks smaller, measuring at 8 when I was sure I was 11. For those that know me, this NEVER happens. Not in my family. So when I saw the doctor he knew my tracking capability and that I was probably right about my dates, but he figured stress pushed off my ovulation, even though I still had a temp shift. So he ordered another ultrasound for 3 weeks later, because even he said something must be off, you have miralcle grow. Then he chuckled as he left the room. I went back home to Dan teling him what we found and he said, "well I am sure it's fine". So I muttered through the next few weeks and went to the ultrasound in tears. Then the cell rings, it's my mother. She didn't know yet, she asked why I was crying. When I told her I was pregnant, she was just as shocked as I was, but based off my blood test and ultra sounds they were thinking that she had CP or that something was going wrong all together her voice changed. I will never forget the shift in tone. We went, we were still 3 weeks smaller but progressing on track it seemed so he changed my due date. My February 15th date became March 10th with the motion of his pen. UGH. Not like I wasn't already pregnant for the last three years or anything.
So we went through the next few months wondering what the third u/s would tell us. Screening for defects at this point was quite a bit easier to detect, but I just kept thinking to myself, it's a boy, so everything is okay. When the tech said girl I cried. When it was 90 minutes later and they had the third doctor come in to look at her, I was terrified beyond all belief. I was sure they found something.
NOTHING. "She's fine, we don't see anything, but we would like to screen her again around 35 weeks". Off we went. I feel like I sat in silence for the next four months. I coudn't focus on anything but the fact that therapy wasn't over, that I was going to school but couldn't use any of it for another 5 years. I was such a pessamist then.
So at the last screening they found nothing wrong again and a part of me just knew they were wrong. They were wrong about Mikayla and Elli, I was going to be stuck at home forever, I was convinced. Then she was born. I will never forget Dan walking in the room, afraid to look at my face after waking up and holding her for the first time. I thought it was because he thought I was going to lose it, but he was scared I wouldn't have the done look on my face that he'd heard so much about from co-workers. When he finally looked at me, he smiled. It was pure peace. I remember sitting there with her, test after test, trying to figure out what was wrong, all tests came up normal. They did until her first birthday and let me tell you, there is nothing like a neurosugeon's office leaving you 3 messages to give you validation :)
So Cam has hydrocephalus, she can live with it, "she will be normal in weeks" is what everyone kept telling me. I knew something was wrong, I know that my kid was mello because of what she had, but I still knew, just by looking at her, something was really wrong. And in October of 2007 I was validated again. The school called, Camryn went unconsious after dazing and started puking, I was to meet her at the hospital by ambulance. WOW. Seizure after seizure, I saw what I was home for. I finally got what we were doing. We were giving her the best start ever. And now that we have only had three seizures in 5 months, I feel wonderful about the opportunity to be home with her, help her along the way. I am grateful that I have been her mom. That I have learned so much from her. I don't regret my feelings in the begining because I feel they brought us here. To her 5th birthday, where she's happy, healthy ,and telling the world "you haven't seen the last of me yet!"
I'm so proud of this tough cookie!!