LIFE

LIFE. IS. HARD.
When life throws you a curve, you try to dodge, bounce back, do whatever to stay on track. Sometimes you get so many curves you just need to decompress. This last week I had the kind of curve. One that I am sure I can come back from, but not without everything I have got, kwim? I need to find my inner strength, take steps to move forward, and just plain old, get past it. But I just can't seem to. I know it's a funk, but I just can't make myself. Certain things need to happen first. So this weekend I am going to take my mind off it. I am setting up a personal challenge. It won't be easy, but not because of what it is, I love what it is. but because my life never stops. I am an accountant, I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a step mother, I am a daughter, I am a neighbor, I am a friend. But where is my heart when it comes to me? I am a photographer. It's my passion, it's my thing that no matter the storm, I can decompress with. It feeds my soul. I need to get back to the things that feed my soul, so when life hands me curves, I am there to dodge, bounce back, and get on track.

So here is the challenge. 100 photos. doesn't sound like that much for most photographers, but I am setting a higher standard.

100 photos in 3 days.
all different, interesting, and what I see around me that makes me smile. My life, my world, my loves.
I will not post them all at once. I will relive the smile,one photo at a time.
I will work on using my camera and less editing to work on my craft.


After all this, I hope to see where my funk is, and see if it's gone with the wind. I will reevaluate where I stand with my soul. I will invite those around me to remind me what makes me smile. I will remember, that I have something that people dream of. I have the love of a man that I adore, children who remind me everyday that I was put on this earth to be their mother (stepmother too!). I will regain my strength in telling life's curves, YOU. GOT. NOTHING. ON. ME!

Remember me?

I hardly remembered. I couldn't remember the fun, spontanious, adventurous girl that I used to be. She was gone. Long gone. For good. Or so I thought. However, all it took was someone from my past to remind me that she was still there. Still wanting to have fun, get out, and bring that smile everywhere she went. It took the right person, someone who was full of life, who wanted to move forward like I soooo longed to do. That person who wanted nothing more than to build the life they were intended to with someone who appreciated it as much as they did.

See, I spent several years unhappy in my life. Several years wondering, "Is this what I was supposed to be?" And after years of being unhappy it was time for change. MAJOR CHANGE. I decided that if I was going to be happy, I needed to make changes for myself, with myself, and by myself to be the best mom I could be for my kids. Four little angels brought into this world that deseved so much more from me. So I had to tell my husband of 11 years, enough was enough. Was it easy? No. Was it right? YES.

So I spent time working on myself, working on my health, both mental and physical. I had a ton of time to think and work through emotions as I walked countless miles every night. Soon my head started to clear up enough to run. And the weight that I had been carrying for so many years started to fall off. I was healing as I put on those miles, and growing as a person every step of every mile. It really was a process that I cannot explain, but I know that's when my life started to take shape.

Last summer I ran into some old friends. Friends from a time when I was free to be myself, free to try new things, friends who really understood the free spirit that I needed to be. As my friends learned about my life they had missed out on, I learned about theirs and started to understand that I wasn't alone in how unhappy I was for so many years. This also helped me to understand the importance of being happy. Not only for myself, but for my children. They deserved to know that you can go for what you want in life, no matter how scary, it's a matter of getting to where you're supposed to be.

As time went on, Charlie and I got to know each other more and more, we became best friends who could share our stories with someone who really understood. And I can't tell you how incredible it is to find someone who knows you, accepts you for who you are, and still manages to like to enough to talk to you for hours on end every day. Having someone like that in your life is invaluable. It's PRICELESS.

Charlie has this amazing way of making me smile, laugh, and be myself, even when the worst has happened to me. He recognizes when I need him without me having to speak a word. It's one of the best qualities he has. There is this connection that neither of us could explain, but we knew it was right. So when we went to Las Vegas for a Dart tournament the last week of April, we decided "why wait???" And tied the knot! Yep, that's right, on April 24th I married the love of my life and I couldn't be happier :)

See?


So as I return to my regular blogging (because I finally remembered my password it had been so long, LOL)
I want to say, thank you to my angels (Grandpa and Mike) who I am positive brought Charlie back into my life. I am so grateful every day for him and can't wait to see what the future holds for us :)