A little help please....

Good Morning all....
I guess I just can't get past this any more. I have been upset with my mom for quite some time and I thought I knew why, but I guess it goes way deeper and it's been going on much longer than either one of us realized.
I am resentful, I will give her that. Most of the resentment is my fault. My mello attemps at trying to tell her that watching my brother and semi raising him was not my job just didn't work. I should have been louder, I should have spoke up more. I guess my dysfunctional childhood gave me some obsticles in accomplishing it. So instead of working through it in a normal way (family was still quite dysfunctional at this point) I just moved out. I took care of myself. I worked, paid rent, bills, and bought all the things a junior and senior would need. My mom acted like she cared by talking to me in her mello way, but I never saw action. I never saw her stop her life to fix what had been so broken between us and I just never brought it to the front lines to battle it out. I never fought for myself the way I really needed to in my opinion. This is odd, don't you think? Usually you can't get a teenager to stop fighting.
However, years later, it turns out I am still bothered by it. Every family photo that I am not included in, every visit to our house that is in route to my brother or on the way back, and every time that I tell her what is going on, she tells me to get more sleep, get some stress relief, do something for yourself.
How do you tell your mom that you resent her for her life choices that impaired the way you grew up? How do you tell her that guilt is something you live with every day because you feel that your life should be different for not speaking up? How do you tell her that no matter what she does, you may never feel like you're a part of that family that she is a part of? These are the questions that I have lived with for much longer than I thought I would back then, and for much longer than I thought I had been.
I feel broken again. I haven't felt this way in years. It's almost like I am 16 again. Looking for a way to grow up and out and not leave anyone behind. But like then, I know that someone or something will get left behind. I am not sure what that is yet. It's like any phase in your life, with each new door, one must close. I am afraid of what that door is. Anyone would be, right?
So the real question is where am I really? Where do I want to go? What from my past do I need to deal with the most to make those first steps forward? I am not sure that I know the answer to any of this, but I know I am asking the right questions.
How do you fix a relationship that you're not sure was the relationship either of you thought you had? Does it make me a fake?

Any words of wisdom from those with tattered relationships with mom would really be helpful.