I'm standing on the edge...

Listening to Abraham from The Kin. Link included above.
This is the song that brings me to tears when they come to concert.
They have another song that goes something like "Are you standing on the edge? Can you feel the water break? Can you turn it around?"
These lyrics are so HUGE for me right now. Camryn is going into the hospital and as you can see from her Blog, I am still searching for answers. That is until this week. After the opportunity to talk to Dr. Tanenbaum this week, I have learned that until we find out where Camryn's seizures are coming from, we can't really "fix" them. Now as bleak as that sounds, we still have this EEG/sleep study/epilleptologist meeting on Wednesday. Camryn is going to be admitted on Wednesday morning and we will be there until they can get documented what they need. Basically they are going to remove her medicine until she has a seizure tha tells them where it's coming from, or they see her left side go out, or her sleep pattern tells them exactly why this is all happening. Sounds bad, doesn't it? Taking away what my kid needs, to make her "perform". We hope that this test shows us what we need to help her live the most normal life possible. I just want her to go to school and actually learn instead of being pulled out for ambulance rides, and seizures wearing off, and all sorts of other things. However, I am preparing myself for the worst. I feel like I am on top of a cliff, at the very edge, waiting to jump in to water I can't see. If we do this, will we cause damage, if we do this, will we be able to bring her back to normal? I just feel the pressure of this levy building and I am not sure I can withstand the flood. It may meen some major changes for our family, ones we are not prepared to make any time soon.

Camryn has been such a trooper and is having a great day today, but I can't help but look at her and want to cry for the things she misses out on because of this. I think it's why she smiles alot, like she is letting me know that she is okay with the way things are for her. The beauty of it all is that she doesn't remember most of the bad stuff, so she just knows Stacie, safe hospitals, and us.

I just think it is absolutely crazy that this hasn't put me over the edge already. I guess for now, I just need to enjoy the view as much as I can before I jump in.